Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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