So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
