Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
nutella sex= disaster
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
