$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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