I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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