you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
