I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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