I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
