bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
