But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
