Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
