you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
