I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
