i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
