If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
