dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
