Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
