I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
