therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
