they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
