Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
