Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
