Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
