he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
