i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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