a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
