Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
