Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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