chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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