by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
