u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
