Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
