I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
