Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
