when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
