have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
