Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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