When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
