She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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