My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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