You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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