This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
