Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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