just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
