I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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