ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
