i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
