Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
