Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
