Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
