mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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