Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
