I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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