I can tuck mytits in my pants
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
