my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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