Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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