Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone signed my nipple.
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