I wish my penis had an off switch
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
