At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
