how can u be prego again
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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