Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
