bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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