I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
