There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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