apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
