I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
