We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
