Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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