and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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