Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize