He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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