do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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