Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
