If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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