If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
