yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
