I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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