You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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