i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Alive.
So much puke
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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