PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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