I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
