I just pynch a tree in the face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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