Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
