I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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