you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
