then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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