I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
